....

Life can't be perfect. I realize that and it's fine (I guess), but why is it that when all aspects of life seem to be coming together perfectly, all of a sudden something has to 'shit out'?
It's like all of these false actions have been taken for nothing. Words mean nothing. All of it for nothing? and why? what action took place for this sudden change of events, emotions and continued actions??

At least I'm running a solid pace of 6 mph and I run at least 2.5 miles 4 days a week and spin the other day, so 5 days a week I'm faithfully at the gym training. I LOVE it. That and school are the two things in my life right now that I have control over, that I love, that love me back 100%. I don't take it for granted, that's for sure. NEVER will I let my health slip again.
Managed to lose a total of 20 lbs so far. I'd like to say I'm done, but I know myself. I won't be completely satisfied until I lose another 5, but that's the girl in me talking. Silly girl.

Work is confusing. I feel like Monday a.m. are some kind of intimidation tool so you feel like you're disposable and replaceable at any moment and you're hanging on by a fine line. AHHH!!! I know I do well at my job, my #s show it, and the fact I keep getting promotions, but nonetheless, there is no real sense of security.
And there's the phrase that just hits the nail on the head.
'no real security'.

Grateful for:
1) officially designing my first real outfit. It's intimidating, challenging and excited.
2) my Mom for being my best friend and keeping life's most important things in check for me.
3) sleeping pills for allowing me to sleep longer than 4 or 5 hours so I can make it through another day.
4) my body. It's a powerful machine. It can endure SO much more than I've ever realized before. It's amazing!!! (and I'm starting to get a lil 2-4 pack, hehe).
5) my friends for being so wonderful. Shawn, I love you. You're such an amazing person. We laugh more than anyone else I know. Randi for being so sweet, real and supportive. Katie for being there since 2001, by far my longest friendship EVER. My sister for never forgetting about me, even when I've disappeared off the face of the earth. Sterling for visiting me at work and reminding me that I'm loved, even from far away. And, everyone else for what you do.
6) (should have been mentioned earlier in list) my Daddy. We are so much closer than we've been in years. I've always known he is the one man I can always count on in life, but lately I feel like my real Daddy is back and that means the world to me. I missed him dearly.
7) just being me. knowing who I am. what I stand for. What I will not put up. And what I will achieve.