epiphany

I consider myself I fairly logical person. True I am often initially driven by my emotions, but when given a chance to breath and think, I can typically turn off the emotions and move forward, make the correct decision and not second guess myself.
This is all true except when alcohol is involved.
I didn't drink for a month and a half. Not one drop. NOTHING, NADA! and I NEVER felt better. I lost a shit ton of weight, got back to the gym 5 days a week and reconnected with TRUE relationships that have meaning and substance.
Well, I fell off that wagon a bit. I started drinking once a week. I instantly felt and saw the results of this awful decision.
I was no longer as impeccable to my word. I started letting myself down and made poor decisions. My soul was YELLING at me, but I wouldn't listen. That was until this week.
I had the MOST amazing birthday a girl could ask for.
I got a B+ on my mid-term, hit the gym with my best friend Stacey (90 min fat burn, abs and core) went and got my brows and box waxed, had a 2 hr massage and then met my closest friends for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Mazza.
Then I met up with Ardy at my house and all my BEST friends and I went to Park City. Doesn't get any better than this, right? But then the booze ensued and you can only imagine what may have happened after that.
NO one had their feelings hurt, thank god, but things were said that shouldn't have been. Actions were made that probably shouldn't have been, and as a result I felt SICK inside all the next day.
My soul was YELLING at me again. And I had a break down.
I went to my Mom's to spend time with her and it was a mess. So many interruptions, and that resulted in me losing my shit.
I couldn't stop crying. I was sick. Sick inside and out and I couldn't calm down. I haven't felt that out of control in months, maybe even a year. I was NOT myself.

I made a pact right then and there. NO more of this shit. NO more.
It's one thing to have a glass of wine with dinner, it's another to have a bottle (to yourself). And the result it terrible. It's not worth it.
I forgive myself for what happened. What was said. I have to, there's no turning back. No 'do-overs'.

so moving forward, I have a few promises I've made to myself that I will NOT break.
1. Be impeccable to my word.
2. Buying my bike next week, even if it means getting a loan from the bank.
3. Registering for all 3 races with my next paycheck.
4. No more booze.
5. continuation with my health. 5 days/week at gym.
6. Thinking positive thoughts. loving myself more. appreciating the little things more.
7. taking at least 2 vacations this year. One to Boston with my family, the other somewhere warm with Amie.
8. MT program at work, moving out of state in 14 months.
9. finish my degree in both marketing and fashion.
10. Stay true to myself, listen to my soul before it starts YELLING again, and be respectful to myself, my mind, body and soul at all times.

I know the heart of life is good. I know its good.